my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
