One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are we still banned from the library?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
