i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
