this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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