what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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