drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
