And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize