He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He has the fingertips of a God
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