how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
