Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
