She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
