is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
