I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
