Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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