I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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