im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
