nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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