Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
