somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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