He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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