Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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