yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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