Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
