what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
