i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
