Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
