oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
