I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
