That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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