Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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