I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
