God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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