he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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