This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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