I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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