haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
