Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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