she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
