Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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