So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
