You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
