And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
