He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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