Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
