Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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