maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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