I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
