I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
