We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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