Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
