dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
