Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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