your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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