meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
