Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
