I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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