You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
