You can't motorboat a personality
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize