I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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