You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Houston, we have a squirter
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
