Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
