Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize