she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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