I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
