your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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