he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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