Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
