the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
