just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
