So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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