Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
