I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
