Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
