and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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