Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
