The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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