well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
