I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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