k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
