Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
