he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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