Already got asked if we're dating
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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