Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize