I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
