smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
