You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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