I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A bitchslap is in order.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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