He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
