remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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