i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
